MY culinary skills, or the lack of them, is legend.

I rely heavily on the microwave, a huge silver beast known as The Empress, and this reliance allows me to spoil food in a much shorter time than if I were to cook it conventionally.

On Thursday The Empress appeared to have hiccups, and fear entered my soul.

However, on Friday she was fine; the small plate of left-over Christmas Pud was gyrating happily.

I relaxed, and removed the Pud – it was stone cold!

Subsequent tests showed that the Empress was functioning perfectly, except for her core skill – heating things.

Fear once more entered my soul, bring with it Dread. To calm my emotions and the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach I ate the Pud.

I know from bitter experience that all things technological are beyond me. As I swallowed the last of the stone cold Pud I decided that I would take her into Electro Curro and hand her over to someone qualified in dealing with ailing electrical implements.

There were two problems with this: One – she is enormous, and too heavy for me to lift – I’ll have to get Andy on the job of lifting her into the car, and hope that a muscular young man will be on hand at the other end to lift her out.

Problem number Two: What am I going to eat?

Can I live on cheese sandwiches for a week? Or maybe more? Will I die of malnutrition? Or possibly of cheese sandwich overload?

© No part of this web site may be reproduced without written permission from the publishers. All rights reserved. Todos los derechos reservados.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

We welcome comments from readers on our website and across our social networks. We invite you to discuss issues and share your views and we encourage robust debate and criticism provided it is civil.

However we reserve the right to reject or edit comments that:

• Contain offensive language
• Include personal attacks of any kind
• Are likely to offend or target any ethnic, racial, nationality or religious group
• Are homophobic, transphobic, sexist, offensive or obscene
• Contain spam or include links to other sites
• Are clearly off topic
• Impersonate an individual or organisation, are fraudulent, defamatory of any person, threatening or invasive of another’s privacy or otherwise illegal
• Are trolling or threatening
• Promote, advertise or solicit the sale of any goods or services

You grant us a non-exclusive, royalty-free, perpetual, worldwide licence to republish any material you submit to us, without limitation, in any format.